Chain...

"... I hate this part right here..." Pussy cat dolls' song, "I hate this part". Ya, I do hate quarelling, I do hate being fake, I do hate people telling me what to do... But what can I do to avoid all these? THis afternoon had a chat, no, actually a quarel with my parents.

They just so worry that I will get cheated by people, or even friends. They just so worry that I will missed the result of my studies... They were so worry about me. I hate to hear what they repeat and repeat...

My dad said he was worried what I'm doin out there, and bla bla bla... I also forget what he said, and just remember what I shouted at him... I said:"Even if I stay at home, you will always be out there for meetings or activity, how many time I can be with you?! It's the same thing I stay outside, no different!" I know that hurt him much, but I just don't know how to appologize for that... I'm hurt too, that's why I cried...

I know you guys worry about me, I know... I just want to be free with what I want, I just want to make my own decision... That may wrong, but that's is what I need now... I'm 19 this year, not a kid anymore. I have my thought... I know what I'm doing... Why don't just let go the chain and set me free?

I found out that I am such a greedy and selfish girl. What can I do? I just remember the words from a friend, "just be yourslef". But now, I lost myself with the chain on me...

Friendship is such an important thing to me. I just couldn't stand with people that had betrayed my trust on her. I just couldn't be an good actress for all that. I am running from that, I am trying to hide away... I just couldn't believe all this had happened... Double faces... Hate that so much... Sometimes really feel that I should be alone, I should boycott myself from the crowd. Will this effective? Maybe I don't think so, that's why I have a new gang now. I want to start over again. I can't measure how people will like me or hate me, I just can be myself, at least I know someone did like me...